A little humor

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A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremoney wasn't much, but
the reception was excellent.

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I went to a seafood disco last week . . . and pulled a mussel.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. Then one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

A five dollar bill walks into a bar. The barkeeper says, "get out, this is a singles bar!"

Key to a successful relationship: go out for a nice dinner once a week .... she goes on Tuesday....
he goes on Friday.

Why do we drive a parkway and park on a driveway?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is it called "after dark" when it's really after light?

Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think from listening to you,
that you're from North Carolina.'
The other woman responds, "Yes, I sure am!"
The first one says, 'So am I! And where in North Carolina are you from?'
The other woman answers, 'I'm from Winston Salem.''
The first one responds, 'So am I!' And what street did you live on in Winston Salem?'
The other woman says, 'A lovely little area. It was a town. I lived on Bloomfield Drive.
The first one says, 'Faith, and it's a small world. So did I! And what school did you go to?'
The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Parkland, of course.'
The first one gets really excited and says, 'And so did I!' Tell me, what year did you
graduate?'
The other woman answers, 'Well now, let' see. I graduated in 1968.'
The first one exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down on us. I can hardly
believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it?
I graduated from Parkland in 1968 myself.'
About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael and mutters, 'It's going to be a long
night tonight.'
Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?'
Brian answers, 'The Carmichael twins are drunk again.'

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LMAO! The last story got me...

[E_]

One morning, a grandmother was surprised to find that her 7 yr old grandson had made her coffee. Smiling, she choked down that worst cup of her life. When she was finished she found three little green Army men at the bottom. Puzzled, she asked ''Honey, what are these Army men doing in my coffee?'' Her Grandson answered, "Like it says on T.V., Grandma: ''The best part of waking up is SOLDIERS in your cup!'

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Two wives go out for girls night. Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties, and the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. The next morning one husband called the other and said, "No more girls night out! My wife came back with no panties." The other husband said, "You think that's bad? Mine came back with a card in her crack that read, "From all of us at the fire station -- we'll never forget you!"